From the perspective of “connection”, there are two types of relationships; balanced and unbalanced. The difference between these two is all about energy flow. In an unbalanced relationship energy flows linearly, in one direction, and the strength of the flow relies completely on the source of the energy. In a balanced relationship, the energy flow is circular and slowly builds in strength over time… so long as the partners keep working together.
An “unhealthy” unbalanced relationship is always abusive and toxic, even if the abuse is not immediately apparent. It is when one person forces another to be connected to them, and the only way to do this is through abuse, annoyance, fear, anger and frustration.
A “healthy” unbalanced relationship involves a person who has an intense passion that is their life’s endeavor (the source of the energy), and a person who feels connected to the energy that the first person radiates while in their pursuit. They both revolve around the one person’s passion. For example, consider an artist, a painter, who is completely consumed with their painting. They live large and robust in their pursuit, which attracts the attention of many admirers and suitors. Dating for these people is very old fashioned, as potential suitors compete for the attention of the painter long enough to insinuate themselves into the painter’s daily routine. The main overall objective, in a “healthy” unbalanced relationship, is for the partner to better enable the passionate energy the painter radiates. What is important to understand with these relationships is that the painter is not the source of the flow of energy, the act of painting is. If the painter should lose their interest in painting, the energy flow stops and their partner will lose the sense of connection they get from them. Or, if it turned out that the partner really wanted a balanced relationship instead, and demanded too much attention from the painter, they would interfere with the painter’s passion and cripple the flow of energy. This is not as uncommon as people might think. Just consider how our society views rock stars, professional athletes, and movie stars.
A “healthy” balanced relationship is what we would consider more normal in these modern times. It involves two people who are focused on, and supported by, the connection they feel to one another. It is like the “healthy” unbalanced relationship, as one member works to protect and serve the other to increase the energy they receive from them through their connection. It is unlike the unbalanced relationship, however, because both members of the balanced relationship are serving the other person, not just one of them. Today, all of our mass media and marketing constantly display and encourage the unbalanced linear energy flow. Thus, learning how to find a balanced relationship is becoming more and more difficult.
The trick to dating in this modern world, looking for a balanced relationship, is to be able to determine if we are dealing with a person who feels a connection to us, or if we are only feeling the energy radiating from their individual passion. From my perspective, it takes three simple steps. However, with each step we need to utilize our intuition and take responsibility for the choice to continue or not. These three steps, if possible, should occur at three completely separate times.
Step 1. Say hello. Does the other person open themselves when they return the salutation? Or do they simply say the words. Reading the persons eyes will tell if they are available to a connection.
Step 2. Small talk. Does the other person genuinely extend themselves when they engage in small talk? Or, are they simply passing the time; which includes people faking interest. Are they able to ignore their friends long enough to exchange a few simple sentences? During the small talk, collect information as to their likes and dislikes, which leads to step three.
Step 3. Conversation. With the information gathered from small talk, and preferably far away from any distractions (like over coffee or ice cream), engage them in conversation about their favorite things and watch as their passion lights up. When it does, gently change the topic of conversation to one of your own interests and watch to see if they stay engaged and focused on you. If they do not, if you can feel their energy slip away, let them go and move on.
In the end, from my perspective, there is no right or wrong so long as we know what we want and pursue that openly.